Posted By:
Craig Newman
May 2, 2012
Filed Under:
Other Cool Stuff
3 comments

Movie Rules (Updated)

Do you ever watch a film and think… what the hell?!

Here is a list of #MovieRules that we have collected from our Twitter followers. If you have an absurd movie rule that you would like to add, please comment below or send us a tweet @entendrepro.

#MovieRules

#MovieRules If Sean Bean is in a film, he will betray the good guy, and then die before the films end… unless he’s playing Sharpe.

#MovieRules If there is a cat and a piano, the cat must walk across the keys at least once

#MovieRules 20 guys shooting at 1 guy have less of a chance of hitting him than he does in hitting the 20 of them.

#MovieRules A male and a female cannot join forces to fight (the monster/villain/alien) without falling in love or having sex or both.

#MovieRules A man can wipe off half of his shaving cream covered face with a towel and be perfectly smooth.

#MovieRules Action heroes how to operate every kind of vehicle, with no exceptions.

#MovieRules After a man & woman have sex, one sheet covers his weight and her shoulder.

#MovieRules All children under 15 in horror films are the devil incarnate.

#MovieRules All henchmen are near masters at martial arts and hand-to-hand combat.

#MovieRules Any freeway chase requires 1+ vehicle crash into the yellow water filled barrels at exit ramps or in front of bridge abutments.

#MovieRules Any male who masturbates is a loser. Any female who masturbates is highly attractive, and inexplicably sex-starved.

#MovieRules Asian men are either very smart or know kung fu.
#MovieRules Being almost assaulted by threatening men puts the leading lady in the mood for makeouts and possibly sex.

#MovieRules Being almost killed always puts the leading lady in the mood for makeouts and possibly sex.

#MovieRules Being almost tortured puts the leading lady in the mood for makeouts and possibly sex.

#MovieRules Being kidnapped always puts the leading lady in the mood for makeouts and possibly sex.

#MovieRules Being shot in the shoulder never affects the mobility of that arm.

#MovieRules Cocaine gets you way higher when it’s consumed off of somebody else’s naked body.

#MovieRules Elevators have no fail-safes. If they do, they are always somehow disabled right before the protagonist enters said elevator.

#MovieRules Finding parking in movies is incredibly easy.

#MovieRules Gary Oldman will die before the end of the film.

#MovieRules Heroes are above the law.

#MovieRules Heroes have no large arteries. It is biologically impossible for a hero to bleed to death.

#MovieRules If Nicholas Cage is in the movie you are watching, he is playing the same character he played in his last movie.

#MovieRules If the guy shows you a picture of his sweetheart back home, he’ll die within the next few minutes.

#MovieRules If the hero is female, some bad guy will do something sexist before getting ass-kicked by the female.

#MovieRules If you need to remove a necklace, the proper method it to yank it the hell right off ignoring the clasp.

#MovieRules In any comedic or farcical situation decaffeinated coffee has the same effect as sleeping pills.

#MovieRules In sports movies, the other team is always a bunch of assholes instead of simply another group of earnest competitors.

#MovieRules In teen movies, fat people are only ever used for comic relief. They are usually girls.

#MovieRules In this movie, Tom Cruise plays a down-home, all-American guy who’s willing to risk it all.

#MovieRules Men are incapable of remembering their wedding anniversary, or understanding the significance of it in the first place.

#MovieRules No matter how many rounds the shotgun has in it,you must pumpit every single time you say something cool.

#MovieRules No one in teen movies suffers from acne. Unless they are a nerd. Then they are doomed.

#MovieRules People who smoke marijuana will IMMEDIATELY begin laughing hysterically at everything a mere instant after inhaling.

#MovieRules Sex is always good and smooth unless the film is a comedy. Then sex is overly awkward.

#MovieRules Taj Mahal is visble from anywhere in India, despite the fact that Calcutta is usually used for the placeholder city in India.

#MovieRules The Eiffel Tower or Arc de Triomph is visible from almost anywhere in Paris.

#MovieRules The hotshot fighter pilot will lose his best friend during the climactic battle.

#MovieRules The speed of sound is generally ignored. A canon fires 500 yards away, but you hear it instantly.

#MovieRules The younger and weaker-looking the ghost is, the more dangerous and evil it actually is.

#MovieRules There will always be a parking spot right in front of whatever place you need to be.

#MovieRules Trenchcoats are never worn for warmth, but to make you look cool or conceal a very large weapon.

#MovieRules Ventilation systems will always be large enough for people to crawl through,sturdy enough to sustain multiple bodies, and clean.

#MovieRules Villains are hard-wired to enter into lengthy clever and lively monologues whenever in the presence of the main characters

#MovieRules When someone hangs up the phone, it will immediately go into a dial tone… even if it’s a mobile phone.

#MovieRules When using a shower, it is always proper to get into the shower before turning it on.

#MovieRules Whenever someone on a stage or athletic field looks into the crowd, they always find the exact person they’re looking for.

#MovieRules You can kill as many people as you like in any manner of ways, but once you kill a dog, you are the scum of the Earth.

#MovieRules Ventilation systems will always be large enough for people to crawl through.
-Thank you Cameron Hissey (from Facebook)

#MovieRules Ventilation systems are always sturdy enough to sustain multiple bodies
-Thank you Cameron Hissey (from Facebook)

#MovieRules Ventilation systems are always clean and well lit, usually with a mix of blue and red neon glow-light.
-Thank you Cameron Hissey (from Facebook)

#MovieRules No one ever has to go to the toilet.
-Thank you @sjcoltrane

#MovieRules It is physically impossible for a film called Blood Camp Thatcher to be anywhere near as good as its title.
-Thank you @pchallinor

#MovieRules People generally leave a taxi without paying, and the driver never complains. When ppl do pay, they always have the right money.
-Thank you @sjcoltrane

#MovieRules When action heroes jump through a closed window, they never get cut or twist an ankle.
-Thank you @sjcoltrane

#MovieRules John Inman plays a roofer who turns into a vampire.
-Thank you @anattendantlord

#MovieRules In horror or sci-fi, no matter how bizarre the events, characters will quickly accept them instead of going into shock.
-Thank you @sjcoltrane

#MovieRules Computer screens shine enough light onto a character’s face to blind a small child.
-Thank you @sjcoltrane

#MovieRules Computer screens always ask for instructions in full sentences.
-Thank you @sjcoltrane

#MovieRules When something says dont push this button or dont pull the lever you just have t. (:
-Thank you @moniqueebelll

#MovieRules The keys are always in the ignition. If not, there is always someone nearby who knows how to hotwire a vehicle.
-Thank you @sjcoltrane

#MovieRules No matter how complex the villain’s lair, there will always be a single lever which blows up the entire structure.
-Thank you @sjcoltrane

#MovieRules Explosions are so boring that they’re not worth turning around to see.
-Thank you @nigelgmitchell

#MovieRules All characters using computer screens can touch type at 100wpm, and never make any typos.
-Thank you @sjcoltrane

#MovieRules Why is it all couples who wake up in bed immediately kiss/make out w/o any hint of morning breath?
-Thank you Regynal Mckie

#MovieRules Why is is that anyone showering in a film never lathers up? I never see any soap bubbles!
-Thank you Regynal Mckie

#MovieRules How is it that guns are fired in small rooms and car interiors and no one has any hearing loss? Guns fired inside are extremely loud!
-Thank you Regynal Mckie

#MovieRules The Black Buddy/Partner/Comrade-in Arms always dies first, thus providing the Hero his primary or additional cause to go after the Villain. Point being – The Black Guy Always Dies First.
-Thank you Victor Merritt from Facebook

Please comment…

If you have an absurd movie rule that you would like to add, please comment below.

3 Comments

Regynal MckieMay 3rd, 2012

#1 Why is it all couples who wake up in bed immediately kiss/make out w/o any hint of morning breath?

#2 Why is is that anyone showering in a film never lathers up? I never see any soap bubbles!

#3 How is it that guns are fired in small rooms and car interiors and no one has any hearing loss? Guns fired inside are extremely loud!

Doug RobinsonMay 4th, 2012

1)The only time anyone goes to the toilet in a film is right before they die.
2)Street scenes in New York never have midgets unless they are evil characters bent on destruction.
3)No-one ever sweats between their legs no matter how hot it may be wearing jeans.
4)All women who play parts in horror movies must have large breast.

BillMay 13th, 2012

#1) No matter where they go in a big city, characters find parking right in front of the destination. They don’t have to drive around for forty minutes dealing with alternate side parking, spots too small for the car, traffic or kids playing stickball in the street

#2) They are woken out of bed, emerge from the bedroom, hair perfectly groomed, makeup, no bloodshot eyes

#3) Racial roles distorted. Whites made to look like fools, Blacks portrayed as scholars, professors and computer techs. In reality few Blacks achieve these roles, they are afraid of “acting White”, and peer pressure. So instead MTV, basketball, kids out of wedlock, mugging 76 year olds, stealing ipods, and ridiculing Whites is the norm. Movies don’t show this. What do you expect from liberal Hollywood?

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